What is this intense desire to write about my feeling towards the admiral from Legend of Galactic Heroes, Oskar von Reuentahl? I am not sure why I have the urgent need to write down my thoughts of Reuenthal, but I think it may be because I look up to him a lot and I know from my history that I tend to forget or take for granted the values and admirations I used to felt for other beings whom I previously admired a great deal but of which my admiration had waned. It’s sad that my admiration for Reuentahl may most likely diminish gradually, but I want to try my best to value him continuously as much as I do now. This brings me to write down my feelings as I believe writing my thoughts down will help me remember as well as remind me of why I immensely admire Oskar von Reuentahl.
The most defining traits of Reuentahl are his dualistic nature of bordering between loyalty and ambitiousness, his self-assuredness, and finally his self-destructive tendencies. Reuentahl is also characterized by his usually calm, calculating nature, and his dark humor. Reuentahl is one of the most clever and formidable commanders in the LOGH galaxy, and he claims it himself that there are only few in the world who can manage to beat him in the battlefield, namely – Reinhard, Yang, Merkatz, and his closest friend Mittermier. Despite his talent and intelligence, Reuentahl is a flawed character. First, he is a player and never holds a lasting relationship with women. Second, he likes to play around with circumstances simply for challenge and curiosity’s sake. Third, he seems to like to play with risks during some of the crucial instances involving his life; it’s like he is mentally prepared for his worst whether the situation is favorable or unfavorable to him. To put it simply, the common denominator and the greatest flaw of Reuentahl is his self-destructive behavior. In episode 46, he admitted to himself that he should not have been born, but “since I am living anyway, I might as well...”, his phrase led me to believe that he does not think he deserved to be born, but since he was born anyway, he might as well prove himself and achieve something grand. I think that phrase provides a credible explanation to his self-destructive tendencies. Reuentahl may have hated his own existence, but wanted to see how far he could get with his life; that explains many of his personal decisions which indicated the pursuit of risk for excitement or testing himself like ignoring his intuition of Yang’s possible setup in Iserlohn, keeping Elfriede with him despite her wanting to kill him, and his rebellion against Reinhard in spite of knowing that he will be at a great disadvantage against his emperor. For someone who seems to accept death, the remaining issue would naturally be reduced to the manner of death. Reuentahl told Mittermier not to worry about Elfriede, for Reuentahl will not allow himself to be killed by a woman, as he would only “die by the sword”. To summarize, Reuentahl does not think he deserves to be born so he accepts, or even borders on desiring, his own death, but his desire to prove himself while he lived would not allow him to accept an insignificant death.
I think I may be similar to Reuenthal in that I’ve got some self-destructive tendencies from time to time, and I believe in myself too much, I get conceited and get too sure of myself a lot. I do believe that whatever happens to me, it is no one’s fault but mine. I have a recklessness of wanting to test myself and see how far I can go. I like to procrastinate because I know that I can handle the tasks even if I procrastinate; I do end up being able to handle the task on time, but I often wonder if I could have done even better in terms of efficiency and time management had I not procrastinate. 
I don’t know, I just enjoy the thrill of the risk, and success is sweeter if the success is not a sure success in the first place. I feel that this is a really bad mentality, and is one of my worst traits. As they say, “pride before the fall”, and sometimes I think there might come a time when I can’t handle my own undoing. However, I think if that happens, I’d still pride myself in that I was the cause of my own downfall and that my downfall was not a result of losing to someone else. And I strongly believe that each person has the right to choose their own way of living. As long as they are prepared to face the consequences, to each their own; I personally hate being told what to do and what not to do. A lot of times, I know what I am doing is not the necessarily the best alternative, but I would still pursue it anyway. Once I’ve decided on something, it’s hard to change my mind, unless the very foundation on which my decision was based upon was factually wrong, or if the foundation’s situation has changed.Reuenthal’s idea of heroism is very romantic. [The following all caps in quotations are some of the translated episode titles in LOGH] He ‘LIVES BY THE SWORD’ and ‘DIES BY THE SWORD. He’d rather die proud than live shamefully. It’s not a very practical mentality, but I would like to ‘die by the sword’ just as I’d ‘live by the sword’. The sword in that sense would mean anything I strongly value. I think there is no belief or value that are correct or true; people simply believe in what they want to believe, or what they found to be more convenient to believe in. It may be foolish to fight for an idea when there isn’t even any way to know if it’s right or wrong. Nevertheless, what I value or believe in shapes the essence of my entire being; I don’t care if I am right or wrong, my actions are nobody else’s but my own, and my reality is nobody else’s but my own; to each their own! Reuenthal is in a position of power, and “REBELLION IS A HERO’S PRIVILEGE”. It made me think that, when one is powerful, one can defy a rule or any belief or system, and would be a celebrated figure. However, if one is powerless, one would simply be branded a traitor or whatever else of the belittling nature. That is why I want to my share of the pie. I want power like Reuenthal or Reinhard. As a common saying goes, “If it has been done before, I can also do it; if it hasn’t been done before, there must be a way!” I want to be powerful, so that like Reuenthal, I can have the hero’s privilege of rebelling, and then I’d gladly die by the sword just as I’d live by the sword. It’s such a romantic notation, but I want to remain to think that way in spite of the practical reality.
